Friday, May 29, 2015
What I Learned In Physics
From a note from my iPhone...May 18, 2015, 3:53 PM
everything's relative to time
everything's in a ratio to time
like a graph, where x is time
that's why most graphs are like that
in physics
because physics is the science
of everything's being
relative to time.
everything's relative to time
everything's in a ratio to time
like a graph, where x is time
that's why most graphs are like that
in physics
because physics is the science
of everything's being
relative to time.
Sunday, May 24, 2015
Do You Regret Not Applying to Harvard?
"What if you got in? You would be at Harvard."
Not once did I regret not applying to Harvard. Or any of the Ivies. I was rejected from Columbia, regular admission, after pulling my early admission application from the early admission pool (however I'd like to assume those two occurrences are mutually exclusive).
I don't regret the lack of grade inflation I deal with now. I don't regret the lack of immediate "wow's" and "ah's" and prejudgements based on me saying where I attend.
I learned two things from being in college so far; two things tightly related to this.
First and foremost, grade inflation is rampant in the Ivies. Students who go there know that, faculty there know that, students who don't go there know that, faculty at other universities know that, my mom knows that, the media knows that, my deli sandwich maker knows that. It absolutely makes me think, "wow, I could've just worked my ass off in high school, easy ass high school, gotten that weighted 4.3 GPA instead of my lousy 4.1 and gone to Harvard, then just be set for the rest of my life". You know why that mindset exists? Harvard, like the Ivies, is a name game. That name will follow you for the rest of your life and define who you are as a person because of what everyone else in the world associates it with. Which gets me to further thinking. What if I never knew what it was like to get a bad grade? In high school, I never got a bad grade. Like ever. I have this conspiracy theory that high school teachers pin "A students" and "B students" and "C students" etc. and then give those grades to each appropriated student. But then again, who am I to diminish my own hard work and intellect? Just a theory.
Anyways, my high school thrived off of grade inflation. How else would we be nationally ranked as one of the best public high schools? I never learned the sting of defeat, of failure. There's this quote, one of my favorite quotes in existence from Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell, but this is not exact: If one is denied the emotional sting of failure, how do you expect to ever learn how to win?
That resonated with me so. fucking hard. I read that book over the summer before junior year of high school. And that is exactly why I will never regret grade inflation. Struggling to keep my grades up - and let me tell you, when I say struggling I mean that I'm literally fighting Satan's grasp dragging my grades to Hell right now- is what is shaping me into the person I want to become. I'm becoming a fighter, not so much as I was back in the days as a second degree black belt in Tae Kwon Do. I feel a sense of pride when I get back a C+ or B+ for a test I studied my ass off for instead of waking up one morning, cramming for 20 minutes, and getting an A. I remember more things now. Failure brings such a sting that it engraves mistakes into your mind. When you correct these mistakes, you not only remember them, but you remember what it was about it that you did wrong and how you fixed it. More importantly, you remember the right way now, because you remember the mistake. It's ironic how that works, isn't it? But think about it. It works.
Zero grade inflation is teaching me hard work. It's teaching me anxiety. Depression. Stress. Discomfort. And it's teaching me how to cope with those. How to move on. How to turn my negativities around. I needed this school to take me off my silk pillow. It's funny because people complain that BC is all about not giving out A's, curving downwards, meeting "C" quotas, especially in the sciences (and physics for that matter). I used to complain about it. Used to.
Second thing, but definitely not any less important than my first point- The Name Game. BC is acclaimed, on the rise, a "new Ivy" as they say. At first, I was excited by this, by it's extensive alumni base, by it's quickly rising prestige. Good for you Harvard, Columbia, Princeton, Yale, BC. Applause. However not once will my own, birth given name be listed amongst "Prestigious Universities"...because I am not a university, I am a person. So please, humble me, and tell me, WHY THE FUCK DO I CARE WHAT THE NAME OF MY UNIVERSITY IS?
Like I mentioned briefly above, it's because of what society, you, have mentally linked to those names. Damned connotations. So unarguable in fact, so undeniably true that I cannot change those connotations alone. Someone one day will try to hire me and look at my resume and be like "Oh wow, she went to BC. She's smart. Oh wow she's a biochemistry major. And a studio art minor? Does she do it all?"
And after that, I'll be hired. Maybe they're a BC alum, maybe they thought I was good looking in the interview, maybe they were impressed by my grades or resume. I'll be hired, I'll work there for a bit, maybe a while, maybe move up a few positions or move around to a different department. I don't know, I can't say. However one day, I'll decide to leave...maybe for better opportunities or a high position or pay. I don't know.
However, what I can promise you is that after that, the name of my university will be useless to me. I'd already have job experience, maybe I'll have a grad school name somewhere in there, maybe two, maybe some research experience too. But that resume isn't going to be "oh look a BC grad", it's gonna be "Oh fucking shit look, it's Her. It's Her. She wants to work here. And that portfolio she put together all by herself too, damn it's flawless."
And then, I'm hired.
Not once did I regret not applying to Harvard. Or any of the Ivies. I was rejected from Columbia, regular admission, after pulling my early admission application from the early admission pool (however I'd like to assume those two occurrences are mutually exclusive).
I don't regret the lack of grade inflation I deal with now. I don't regret the lack of immediate "wow's" and "ah's" and prejudgements based on me saying where I attend.
I learned two things from being in college so far; two things tightly related to this.
First and foremost, grade inflation is rampant in the Ivies. Students who go there know that, faculty there know that, students who don't go there know that, faculty at other universities know that, my mom knows that, the media knows that, my deli sandwich maker knows that. It absolutely makes me think, "wow, I could've just worked my ass off in high school, easy ass high school, gotten that weighted 4.3 GPA instead of my lousy 4.1 and gone to Harvard, then just be set for the rest of my life". You know why that mindset exists? Harvard, like the Ivies, is a name game. That name will follow you for the rest of your life and define who you are as a person because of what everyone else in the world associates it with. Which gets me to further thinking. What if I never knew what it was like to get a bad grade? In high school, I never got a bad grade. Like ever. I have this conspiracy theory that high school teachers pin "A students" and "B students" and "C students" etc. and then give those grades to each appropriated student. But then again, who am I to diminish my own hard work and intellect? Just a theory.
Anyways, my high school thrived off of grade inflation. How else would we be nationally ranked as one of the best public high schools? I never learned the sting of defeat, of failure. There's this quote, one of my favorite quotes in existence from Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell, but this is not exact: If one is denied the emotional sting of failure, how do you expect to ever learn how to win?
That resonated with me so. fucking hard. I read that book over the summer before junior year of high school. And that is exactly why I will never regret grade inflation. Struggling to keep my grades up - and let me tell you, when I say struggling I mean that I'm literally fighting Satan's grasp dragging my grades to Hell right now- is what is shaping me into the person I want to become. I'm becoming a fighter, not so much as I was back in the days as a second degree black belt in Tae Kwon Do. I feel a sense of pride when I get back a C+ or B+ for a test I studied my ass off for instead of waking up one morning, cramming for 20 minutes, and getting an A. I remember more things now. Failure brings such a sting that it engraves mistakes into your mind. When you correct these mistakes, you not only remember them, but you remember what it was about it that you did wrong and how you fixed it. More importantly, you remember the right way now, because you remember the mistake. It's ironic how that works, isn't it? But think about it. It works.
Zero grade inflation is teaching me hard work. It's teaching me anxiety. Depression. Stress. Discomfort. And it's teaching me how to cope with those. How to move on. How to turn my negativities around. I needed this school to take me off my silk pillow. It's funny because people complain that BC is all about not giving out A's, curving downwards, meeting "C" quotas, especially in the sciences (and physics for that matter). I used to complain about it. Used to.
Second thing, but definitely not any less important than my first point- The Name Game. BC is acclaimed, on the rise, a "new Ivy" as they say. At first, I was excited by this, by it's extensive alumni base, by it's quickly rising prestige. Good for you Harvard, Columbia, Princeton, Yale, BC. Applause. However not once will my own, birth given name be listed amongst "Prestigious Universities"...because I am not a university, I am a person. So please, humble me, and tell me, WHY THE FUCK DO I CARE WHAT THE NAME OF MY UNIVERSITY IS?
Like I mentioned briefly above, it's because of what society, you, have mentally linked to those names. Damned connotations. So unarguable in fact, so undeniably true that I cannot change those connotations alone. Someone one day will try to hire me and look at my resume and be like "Oh wow, she went to BC. She's smart. Oh wow she's a biochemistry major. And a studio art minor? Does she do it all?"
And after that, I'll be hired. Maybe they're a BC alum, maybe they thought I was good looking in the interview, maybe they were impressed by my grades or resume. I'll be hired, I'll work there for a bit, maybe a while, maybe move up a few positions or move around to a different department. I don't know, I can't say. However one day, I'll decide to leave...maybe for better opportunities or a high position or pay. I don't know.
However, what I can promise you is that after that, the name of my university will be useless to me. I'd already have job experience, maybe I'll have a grad school name somewhere in there, maybe two, maybe some research experience too. But that resume isn't going to be "oh look a BC grad", it's gonna be "Oh fucking shit look, it's Her. It's Her. She wants to work here. And that portfolio she put together all by herself too, damn it's flawless."
And then, I'm hired.
Saturday, May 23, 2015
This Summer's Mine. Here's Why:
This summer started early. And slow.
It's what, two weeks in? Maybe one and a half. I lost track, fell behind, fell into something. They're starting to pick up though. Just slow.
This is my summer because I literally have one obligation...in Barcelona at that...and then nothing. Traveling really.
Florida...eh.
Jamaica. I can do that.
And I'll teach myself organic chemistry because that's on it's track and it's gotta be done at some point, yeah?
And my portfolio. So pumped for that. Like ecstatic. Ideas flowing.
Yeah, this summer's mine.
It's what, two weeks in? Maybe one and a half. I lost track, fell behind, fell into something. They're starting to pick up though. Just slow.
This is my summer because I literally have one obligation...in Barcelona at that...and then nothing. Traveling really.
Florida...eh.
Jamaica. I can do that.
And I'll teach myself organic chemistry because that's on it's track and it's gotta be done at some point, yeah?
And my portfolio. So pumped for that. Like ecstatic. Ideas flowing.
Yeah, this summer's mine.
Wednesday, May 20, 2015
Tuesday, May 19, 2015
Things I'll Carry With Me Pt. 1
Last night I learned that you do not need to cry, nor scream, nor fret in order to lose your mind.
Crisis and More at...Too Early in the Morning
I've been Googling and checking LinkedIn for jobs that would let me travel the world.
I started a WordPress portfolio but I need to learn how to use the interface...as I hate it already but it's due to my lack of knowledge of it.
I need to learn CSS and HTML again. At least re-learn the hard stuff.
Need to work out.
Need to get sleep.
Need to print HTC health card.
MUST pack up clothes and linens and room and life.
Everything's whirlwinding infront of me today and I think that's why I chose to sit and do other...unproductive [mildly innappropriate] things today and I really hate myself for it but I can't seem to hate myself enough to stop doing them.
I'm trying but I don't know what's wrong with me anymore.
I wonder if mom forgot to find me a therapist in NY.
I started a WordPress portfolio but I need to learn how to use the interface...as I hate it already but it's due to my lack of knowledge of it.
I need to learn CSS and HTML again. At least re-learn the hard stuff.
Need to work out.
Need to get sleep.
Need to print HTC health card.
MUST pack up clothes and linens and room and life.
Everything's whirlwinding infront of me today and I think that's why I chose to sit and do other...unproductive [mildly innappropriate] things today and I really hate myself for it but I can't seem to hate myself enough to stop doing them.
I'm trying but I don't know what's wrong with me anymore.
I wonder if mom forgot to find me a therapist in NY.
Saturday, May 16, 2015
Wednesday, May 6, 2015
Something To Tell My Future Daughter
When I was little, I dreamed and, regrettably, prayed that I'd grow up to be one of the beautiful popular girls who'd have all the boys running to her.
When I was little I asked God for a boyfriend to make me happy.
I look back now to when I was little.
How silly of me to ask for these things. These things I have now that I sometimes, more than often, wish I could take back.
Be careful what you wish for. Chances are you don't need them.
Wishes are wants.
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