#IfIWonPowerball

Will it still be a billion after taxes?

I won't take the lump sum, I'd want that shit to be divided up over a couple of years. I'd give my parents 100 milli to start off the spending. I'd think I was debt free to them forever, but how can you fully give back to the people who created you? You can't put a price on life.

I'd open a Swiss bank account and watch the money slowly grow with interest. Only for the idea though, only to brag about my off-shore account. Like on the real, is it much safer than putting my money with Chase and Citi? Probably not.

Anyone who asks me for money would be immediately cut off from my life forever. Money changes even the people you love enough to think that nothing is gonna change them. All humans look out for self-interest, we are the worst fucking species to grace this universe's existence.

I'd buy that penthouse in Manhattan I always dream of. I'd buy a G-Wagon and put it in a garage because you're stupid if you're trying to drive anywhere in Manhattan.

I'd still finish college. Maybe I'd take more time in between grad school/medical school and graduation, but shit who knows? Who knows if I'll even have the motivation to keep going to school because right now in life I've hit the wall with school. I'm just dragging myself through bricks man, I've hit the wall.

The billion won't bring back Pac, it won't bring back Biggie. My grandparents are still gonna die one day and it won't stop that and it won't bring them back neither. Fuck, man.

Man, I spent $4 on that Powerball ticket today and I swear man, it only took $4 to spiral myself back into depression.

It took $4 for me to remember how sad I actually am in life. What the fuck is a billion gonna do to me, then?

Things to Carry With Me Pt. 5

If you wanna be on top, you gotta throw EVERYONE under the bus first.

//today was quite the insightful day for me, huh? shoutout to the homie for really listening to my insane idea, acknowledging its insanity, and regarding its genuis. 

Things to Carry With Me Pt. 4

Competition drives innovation

Things to Carry With Me Pt. 3

Never put all of your eggs in one basket. 

NEW YORK PUBLIC LIBRARY IS A LION!!

I remember the first time I ever felt like someone, a valid someone. 

For some reason, my dad took me to PS121, my first elementary school, at night for some raffle or some parents meeting who tf even remembers anymore.

But that night, I was given this card, and they told me to sign my name on the back of it. It was burgundy with some letting and a cool ass lion logo on it. It was a NY Public Library card, and it was mine.

Why I Like to Write at Night and Other Details About My Throat

I like to write at night because I feel uninhibited, because the alert chemicals in our brains decrease around this time. I like to write because maybe the high is gone or is fading and clarity is being restored right behind my eyes from since the last time highness was acheived. Tonight I like to write because she was right, eventually if it was meant to happen it will all fall into place so I just have to ignore my feelings for him right now if he is to stay my best friend. I don't believe in coincidences, right? So it must be something that brought and kept us together. I just don't want to be the one that ruins it because I'm all too good at that and I'm even better at maintaining a loss as if I had never cared in the first place.

My left throat lymph node is swolen. When the first tear drops from the left eye, it apparently signifies sadness. What does this mean for the gland?